


Selfish/Selfless

by TheJoysOfAMultishipper (Amemah)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Darcy Lewis is a Senator, F/F, Getting Back Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amemah/pseuds/TheJoysOfAMultishipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You do know I’m not an idiot, right? You know that I’m a grown woman, capable of making decisions – not only for myself, but also for this fucking world? They didn’t elect me for this job because TMZ thought I was screwing the Black Widow.” </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>A fic in which Nat screws up a little, Darcy yells and everything works out in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish/Selfless

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt [taken from here!](http://alwaysbellamyblake.tumblr.com/post/127157748980/send-me-a-pairing-and-a-number-and-ill-write-you/)
> 
> Hi everyone!
> 
> I wrote this one last night, so it's a bit rough, a bit unpolished. Still, I quite liked the way it turned out! I hope you liked it as well :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments; I always love reading those!  
> Hugs :)
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://thejoysofamultishipper.tumblr.com/%C2%AB>My%20Tumblr!%20Come%20say%20hi!</a>)

”I tried, but I just can’t stay away from you anymore.”

“Did you ever think that maybe I didn’t _want_ you to leave?” Darcy asked curtly, sidestepping Natasha and walking into the kitchen. The groceries landed on the countertop with a _thump_ , and Nat could hear bottles of chocolate milk clinking against each other inside the bag. A lot had changed, but not that. It was oddly comforting. Darcy’s voice, however, was not. “Did you ever think that maybe, just _maybe_ , being a civilian is not equal to being a child?”

Darcy turned on her heel, slamming the cupboard shut as she moved. Thankfully, there were two mugs in her hand, which meant Nat wouldn’t be thrown out just yet.

“Did you ever think that _maybe_ I’m capable of making my own decisions?” She raised a brow at Nat, as if she was daring her to say something. Nat stayed quiet, because Darcy was shaking with anger, and she had the right to do so. Nat had fucked up tremendously.

“You do know I’m not an idiot, right? You know that I’m a grown woman, capable of making decisions – not only for myself, but also for this fucking world? They didn’t elect me for this job because TMZ thought I was screwing the Black Widow.”

Nat winced, remembering the headlines. The nice ones thought the couple sent each other notes in Congressional hearings. The bad ones… Hah. Best not to go there.

“I was ready to marry you, Nat.” Darcy said, voice cold as ice. She sat the mugs down on the countertop, hands moving to the sides to grip them. “I was ready to walk down the aisle or stand in a judge’s office – whatever you were most comfortable with. I was ready for kids and the picket fences and getting up at six o’clock to make brownies because we forgot that we were supposed to bring them for school.”

Natasha watched as Darcy blinked furiously, and while most parts of her _hated_ what she’d done to the love of her fucking life, another part was intensely relieved. Because at least Darcy still felt _something_ for Nat – even if that emotion wasn’t exactly love.

“Jesus Christ, I’d even started looking online for fertility doctors! I’d carry the kids, like we talked about, and you’d give the egg. Everything would just be fucking perfect – everything already _was_ perfect.”

Darcy drew a sharp breath, before meeting Natasha’s stare head on. It was one of Nat’s favorite things about Darcy – her refusal to be cowed. She’d never been on this side of it before, though. “At least I thought it was.”

“You were right.” Nat said, finally breaking her silence. “Everything was perfect, it was just –“

Nat sighed, as the words to explain didn’t come. Or rather – she couldn’t say them.

“It was just too good,” Darcy said, huffing a laugh that didn’t sound happy at all. “And you got scared.”

Nat nodded erratically, her feet moving on their own accord until she was standing opposite Darcy. The kitchen island was the only thing separating them, and if she concentrated, Nat could hear Darcy’s heartbeat. She missed lying on top of her, and feeling that heartbeat echo her own. She missed it so fucking much.

Darcy was an open book where she stood, as always, and Nat could see as the exact same thought crossed her mind. The fight seemed to drain out of her immediately, and when the anger wasn’t there to conceal it, Nat could see how exhausted she looked. How her eyes were red.

Like she’d been crying.

“Of what, exactly?” Darcy asked, looking helplessly confused. “What scared you? I know you doubted our relationship in the beginning, but I thought you had – sorry, _we_ , had worked through that. I thought you knew I’d never leave.”

“That’s just it,” Nat answered, “You wouldn’t leave me. Which meant you could get hurt.”

“For the love of God, Natasha,” Darcy muttered, now looking annoyed. Nat was a little bit confused. “That’s it? That’s what caused you to end just about the greatest thing that’s ever happened to either of us? 

“I’m scared for you all the fucking time! I have to watch on the news as you run around with gods and superheroes wearing nothing but latex, and I know that if you get shot in the head, _that’s it_. That’s it – you’re _dead_. You could cease to exist in matter of milliseconds, and I have to live with that knowledge all the fucking time!”

“Exactly!” Nat bit back, “So you know exactly how I feel, then!”

“I know you’re worth it!” Darcy snapped, “And I obviously wasn’t! I know that you’re worth every fucking second of worrying because no one in this entire world makes me feel like you do. I know that I actually respect your decision to be superhero, even though I _know_ it’ll ultimately kill you, and by association, _me_!”

“So that’s what this is all about then,” Nat asked, tone slightly mocking – Darcy was just capable of bringing out the worst in her as she was at bringing out the best, “ _You?_ _Your_ feelings? Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking selfish.”

“That’s so fucking unfair,” Darcy hissed, knuckles whitening with the strain of gripping the countertop. “And you know that. This is about the fact that I’ll be the one who’s still here when you die, and how even though I know that’ll be the worst day of my life; it would all still have been worth it. And if that makes me selfish, then, yeah, sure.” Darcy chuckled, “Whatever. Sign me the fuck up! But at least I’m not selfish enough to leave my girlfriend just because I feel a little scared!”

“Now who’s being unfair?” Nat scoffed, “You expect me to just deal with the fact that anyone who ever wants to hurt me where it cuts deepest, can just walk into Congress, and shoot _Senator_ Lewis? You think that’s easy for me deal with, that I should just get over it? Because _you_ feel a little _sad_?”

“No, I expect you to talk to me!” Darcy yelled, “I expect you to treat me like your fucking equal, and tell me how you feel! I want you to stop thinking that not having all the answers makes you a worthless human being – I want you to _talk_ to me! How fucking difficult can it possibly be?”

“Well, I am talking now, and look at all the good that did me!” Nat screamed, angrily wiping at her eyes and the tears threatening to drop. “I’m arguing with my ex-girlfriend, emphasis on the _ex_!”

 

Darcy’s eyes widened at her outburst, the fight draining out of her again. It was like watching a balloon deflate, only worse, because it was  _Darcy_.  
“At least you’re talking to me.” She said quietly, clearing her throat. One of her hands moved from the countertop, and Nat knew she was drying her own tears – even though she couldn’t bear to watch it. “At least you’re telling me how you feel.”

Nat didn’t answer; just let the silence hang in the air. It felt suffocating; not so much the silence itself, but what it represented. She knew that if she said the wrong thing, she’d lose the most important person in her life – and this time, she wouldn’t get a second chance.

The worst part was how she still couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Thankfully, she’d fallen in love with Darcy Lewis.

“You’re not selfish. You’re the most selfless person I know.” She murmured, her hand tentatively reaching out to hold Natasha’s. She held on to it tightly, using the familiar touch to anchor herself. “You’re just stupidly stubborn, and when you get an idea, you refuse to let it go.”

“Captain America loves that about me,” Nat said weakly, trying to crack a joke. It fell flat, but Darcy’s lip twitched, which was _something_. A lot more than _something_ , actually.

“That’s because it saves Captain America’s life,” Darcy said, “For me, it means arguing with my girlfriend at three am after sitting through the Tea Party’s disastrous attempt at a smear campaign for eight hours.”

Darcy’s heart broke a little bit at the hope in Nat’s eyes as she finally looked up. “Girlfriend?”

“Of course,” Darcy answered wetly, another small wave of tears making themselves known. It wasn’t so bad this time, as it was Nat’s soft finger that brushed them away. “Now that I know why you left me, I know how I can stop it from happening again.”

“I’m really fucking sorry,” Nat whispered, “Can you forgive me?”  
“Of course,” Darcy answered, tightening her hold on Nat’s hand. “Can you forgive me?”

“Yeah,” Nat smiled shakily, nodding quickly. “Yes, of course.”  
“Thank God,” Darcy leaned over the kitchen island, and for the first time in nine weeks, she kissed her girlfriend.

She tasted like sweat and tears, but it was perfect. _Is_ perfect.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://thejoysofamultishipper.tumblr.com/%C2%AB>My%20Tumblr!%20Come%20say%20hi!</a>)


End file.
